


The Meaning of Love

by phandomsub



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Neko Dan Howell, Neko!Dan, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Phanfiction, Smut, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phandomsub/pseuds/phandomsub
Summary: Phil Lester is an intern at the British Society of the Prevention of Cruelty to Neko – an organisation that focuses on rescuing abandoned or mistreated neko and rehabilitating them for re-adoption. He can't say he fully agrees with the way many neko are treated, but in a world where they have no rights Phil has to agree that being someone's pet is the best option for them. Then neko #504 is brought into the shelter and Phil finally realises just how alike humans and neko are.





	The Meaning of Love

‘We’ve got another two arriving in twenty minutes. Can you make sure the rooms are ready?’

Phil looks up from where he’s filling out a daily report on neko #474. She’s sleeping, curled up on the small pile of bedding in the corner of her room. They use the word _room_ quite liberally here – it’s more of an oversized cage that they can observe through, with a place to sleep and eat and a small bathroom screened off at the very back. Well, most have a screen; there are instances where it had to be removed because the rescued inside got up to no good behind it.

‘Sure thing, Maggie,’ Phil says, flashing his best smile at his supervisor.

‘Thanks, Phil,’ Maggie says, pushing up her wire-frame glasses and leaving with a swish of her white coat.

Maggie is quite lovely. Considering Phil is the only intern working here, he could be landed with all the terrible jobs that nobody else wants, but she’s pretty good at sharing them around evenly. He’s been at the BSPCN – the British Society of the Prevention of Cruelty to Neko – for almost three  months now, and his feelings towards the shelter are quite mixed, to say the least. He whole-heartedly supports the mission of the organisation, which is why he chose to intern there in the first place. The BSPCN take in any neko who have been abandoned or mistreated across Britain and work on nursing them back to health and rehabilitating them for re-adoption. It’s downright awful to see the condition some of them come in, but everyone who works at the BSPCN are extremely dedicated to their job and do everything they can to see the creatures get better. The issue, however, is that no matter how much these people care, the funding just isn’t substantial. Phil is sure if it were up to Maggie, the neko would be living in luxurious five-star hotels, but that just isn’t possible. Because of the lack of money, they’re resigned to glorified cages like some kind of animal – which, technically, they are but it’s a very grey area – and aren’t given the full resources they deserve. On top of that, re-adoption is fairly low as most people want a young, unused neko for their household, rather than the older ones the shelter generally bring in. It often takes a long, long time for these neko to be taken to a new home and, for some, they never are. As a naïve 22-year-old hell-bent on helping them, Phil has been quite shattered to witness this.

Phil slides the clipboard back into the metal grooves on the outside of neko #474’s room (the name _Mia_ is written in parenthesis beside her number). There’s an empty room beside hers and another a little further down the line. He starts with the closest, setting it up for their new addition by dressing the bare mattress and ensuring there’s enough water and toilet paper to last to the following morning. Once both rooms are done, he heads into the main examination room, where they subject the new neko to a full medical to assess their physical and mental well-being, and ensures everything is ready in there, too. When he’s satisfied he’s done as much as an intern can do to prepare, he returns to the filing room and picks back up on what he’s been ask to sort over the course of the week.

He’s halfway through the L – N file when Maggie sticks her head in the door to tell him they’ll be having a staff meeting in half an hours’ time. He powers through the last few pages before sliding the file back into the cabinet, locking it, and then heads out towards the break room where all staff meeting are held. There are a few people already in there mulling around making tea when Phil takes his seat on one of the white chairs. Over the next few minutes the rest of the core workers – about twelve in total – filter in and take their seats. They chat idly, all wearing matching blue coats. Maggie barrels into the room almost five minutes late, greying hair frazzled as ever.

‘Sorry, everyone,’ she says, standing beside the notice board at the front of the room and getting everyone’s attention. ‘We had a little issue with a certain troublesome boy. Anyway! We’ve got two new additions to the family that I’d like you all to meet. They’ve both been given their shots and are physically okay – a little undernourished, but nothing we can’t fix. They’re both free of disease, so you’re safe to interact if need be. One of them is a little feisty, though, so be careful. Now, if you’ll all follow me…’

There’s a scraping of chairs as the handful of staff follow Maggie’s billowing coat back towards the housing unit. Phil trails behind at the back of the group, walking down the sterile halls that look something between a vet and a hospital, with his pen and notebook in hand. Maggie’s long strides come to a sudden stop at the room beside Mia’s, that now has a rather young neko boy sitting on the floor. Well, more like sulking, judging by the stormy look on his face and the way his brown tail jerks violently.

‘Meet neko 503, everyone,’ Maggie says.

When Phil first started working at the BSPCN he was shocked to learn that nobody referred to the rescued by their given names, especially as lovely and caring of a woman as Maggie. He almost feels personally offended each time they don’t; it’s as if they’re just another _number_ to them, rather than a living thing. The harsh truth he’s yet to understand is it’s just something you have to do when you work long-term at a place like this – getting attached, even with something as small as a first-name basis relationship, is never a good idea. You have to watch hundreds of neko come in with no idea when they’ll find a happy home or if they’ll even survive, and the toll it takes on a person to care about every single one on an emotional level is devastating. Phil has had this explained to him many times, but he still can’t bring himself to refer to them by their number. He’s been assured, once or twice, that he’ll eventually learn his lesson the hard way, just like everyone else has.

‘He’s been rescued from Croydon where his owner was using him to smuggle drugs. He’s clean, thank goodness, but he does have a bit of a temper. He’s 20 years old and had his first heat roughly three years ago, so there’s high hopes of a quick adoption once he’s been property domesticated.’

Phil tries not to stare at the brown-haired neko; he can’t imagine what it’s already like with everyone else’s eyes on him. He has his arms crossed firmly over his chest and his ragged ears are twitching as he glares right back.

‘Any forms of abuse we should be aware of?’ Stephen – a chubby, middle-aged man who’s been working at the shelter for almost as long as Maggie – asks.

‘Yeah,’ the neko quips, surprising everyone, ‘the abuse you’ll suffer when I claw your fuckin’ eyes out.’

Phil hears a soft gasp escape the woman standing beside him. At a place that deals with mistreated neko it’s certainly not uncommon to have a few misbehave, but it’s rare that they ever talk back with such vulgar and threatening language. He knows it’s awful, but Phil has to smuggle a grin at how downright appalled everyone looks. Except for Maggie, of course – she’s seen everything.

‘Also, please keep in mind he’s spent the last four years living with drug dealers. He doesn’t seem dangerous, but he’s picked up a few…mannerisms.’

Phil’s eyes focus on the chart attached to the neko’s room, squinting slightly to read the name printed beside his number. _PJ_. Interesting. He has a feeling the housing unit is going to be a little less quiet with him around.

Phil still has a smile lingering on his lips as Maggie ushers them further down the hall towards the next newly-occupied room. As they come to a stop and he gets a good look at its new resident, the smile vanishes completely. It’s another male neko, probably around the same height as PJ but much more noticeably underweight, and the stark contrast between their body language is jarring. Phil can’t even see his face – just a mess of brown hair buried in the thin arms that he’s got wrapped around his knees. His ears lay flat against his head and his tail is wound tightly around his body, barely even twitching.

‘And this is neko 504,’ Maggie says, voice a little softer; more careful. ‘He was found abandoned in an alleyway in London. We don’t know too much about him just yet, as nobody’s come forward to claim him and he wouldn’t speak a word during his assessment. We were only able to determine his given name by his branding and our best guess at age is around eighteen years. The test results have come back negative for his oestrous cycle. We’re not sure exactly when he’ll be experiencing his first heat, but judging by his maturity, it shouldn’t be too long. Hopefully we can have him all shaped up and in a loving home by then.’

Phil forgets his no-staring rule when he fails to even look at Maggie as she speaks. Obviously, he’s seen a lot of emotionally damaged neko during his short time at the BSPCN, but there’s something just so incredibly vulnerable about this one that both fascinates Phil and tugs at his heartstrings. He wonders if perhaps he’s just incredibly shy – it’s a nicer thought than the long list of ways he may have been mistreated by whoever abandoned him.

‘As you can probably tell, he’s quite underweight, so our main priority right now is building up his nutrients. Then once we’re sure of his mental state, he should be ready to put up for adoption in no time.’

At that, Phil notices the further hunch that crawls onto his shoulders. He looks away long enough to read his chart. Amongst all the medical information, he reads the name _Dan._

‘And that’s all for today, everyone. Unless you have any questions…’ she pauses and nobody speaks up, ‘you’re all welcome to head off on your break. I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.’

Chatter sparks up between the staff as they dissipate – mostly about PJ and his little outburst – but Phil’s feet stay rooted to the lino floor. He continues to watch Dan closely as the last person exits the housing unit, closing the metal door behind them. He’s draped in silence and his footsteps echo far too loudly as he approaches the metal caging that separates himself from the neko. He crouches down, his greying second-hand coat skimming the floor as he balances at Dan’s level. There’s a long bout of silence and then, perhaps under the impression he’s been left alone, two brown eyes peek out from behind his arms.

‘Hello,’ Phil says softly and Dan immediately covers his face again. ‘No, hey, don’t be scared. I’m not going to hurt you or anything.’

He’s still for a moment, before slowly looking up again, just enough to be able to see Phil. Phil beams, waving a little.

‘Hey. My name’s Phil, what’s yours?’ he asks; he obviously already knows, but there’s a certain trust built from a transfer of personal information and it’s the least invasive thing Phil can think of, which heightens his chances of a response. ‘It’s alright, you can tell me.’

‘Dan,’ he says, so quietly that if he hadn’t already read the chart Phil would miss it.

‘Dan. That’s cool, I knew a Dan in high school. I don’t think he liked me very much, though,’ Phil says, making sure to keep Dan’s eye contact now that he’s caught it. ‘Do you know any other Phil’s?’

‘No,’ the neko says, shaking his head slightly.

‘Well, I’m glad to be your first,’ Phil says, then stutters when he realises just how badly that came out. ‘I, uh, I turned 22 a few weeks ago. Didn’t have a party but I did eat a lot of cake, so that was nice. How old are you, Dan?’

‘Eighteen,’ he says, still soft but certainly more audible.

Phil mentally congratulates Maggie on her scientific estimation and chastises their psychologist team. How is it that he, an intern that hasn’t even studied that field past high school, has got more information from him in five minutes then they did in an hour? He suspects it’s somewhat to do with the significant age gap, but _still_.

‘So, Dan, what do you like to do for fun?’ Phil asks, then realises perhaps he’s not as good of an amateur psychologist as he thought, because someone in Dan’s situation probably hasn’t been having a lot of _fun_ lately.

‘I like to read,’ Dan says, thankfully not shying away from Phil’s clumsy question.

‘Me too! There’s this book I love called The Alchemist, have you heard of it?’ Phil pauses and Dan shakes his head. ‘It’s incredible, you should read it. Maybe I could bring it in for you tomorrow, if you’d like?’

Dan looks downright shocked that Phil is willing to do something as simple as bring in some reading material for him and it absolutely breaks Phil’s heart. He isn’t entirely sure why he’s so drawn to this neko in particular – perhaps he reminds him of someone – but his desire to see this one get better and find a happy home rivals any other.

‘Would you, really?’ Dan asks, daring to be hopeful.

‘Of course. Hey, are you hungry?’ Phil says, taking a Twix bar from his pocket.

 _Technically_ , they’re not supposed to feed the neko anything other than their assigned meals, but it’s not like Phil hasn’t shared his snacks before and it’s never hurt anyone. Besides, Dan sure looks like he could use some chocolate. Phil doesn’t wait for a response, just unwraps the bar and pokes a single stick of sugary goodness through one of the square holes. Dan slowly unwinds one of his arms from around his body and timidly takes the chocolate, careful not to actually touch Phil’s hand.

‘Go on, take a bite. It’s good, I promise,’ Phil says when Dan just stares at it.

The neko sniffs it and Phil smiles as his ears perk up slightly at the delicious smell. He takes a tentative bite, chewing thoughtfully, and then they’re pointing straight up in the air.

‘See,’ Phil laughs. ‘I told you. Good, right?’

 

*****

 

Phil is on duty to feed the neko breakfast the following morning. He rolls the trolley down the linoleum walkway between the rooms and delivers the trays of food as he goes along, each one specifically labelled with a correlating number. They all vary slightly, depending on age, weight, and dietary requirements, and although it doesn’t necessarily look _bad_ , Phil doesn’t think he’d enjoy living on shelter food for more than a week. He supposes they feel the same way as nobody looks overjoyed at the prospect of egg-white omelettes or porridge, and although he says a cheery good morning to all of them he only gets a few half-hearted replies. That changes when he reaches neko #503.

‘The fuck is this?’ PJ says, nose wrinkling as he glares into his cup of orange juice. ‘Where the hell is the coffee?’

‘We’re not allowed to give you caffeine,’ Phil says.

There’s enough space in the rooms for the neko to walk around, but it’s not exactly what Phil would call _spacious_. Although they do let them out into the garden every day to get some fresh air and exercise, having them cooped up most of the time whilst simultaneously feeding them caffeine is _not_ a good idea. Besides, it’s not healthy for them in the slightest.

‘Tell me you’re joking,’ PJ deadpans, face bored but the jerkiness of his tail giving away his irritation.

‘Sorry. I can give you extra nuts, if you like?’ Phil consoles weakly, shaking a canister of cashews.

PJ just scoffs, dropping back down onto his mattress and turning his back to Phil. He mumbles something along the lines of ‘I’ll tell you where you can shove your nuts’ under his breath as Phil moves on.

When he reaches Dan’s room, he thinks for a moment that he must be behind the bathroom screen – until he realises that the lump on the mattress isn’t just a pile of blankets. He’s curled up under the heavy bedding, the only thing giving him away being the very tip of his tail poking out the side, moving languidly.

‘Morning, Dan,’ Phil says cheerfully and the lump jolts. ‘I’ve got your breakfast.’

Two brown eyes peek over the edge of the blanket and Phil smiles fondly as the rest of his body slowly emerges. He’s still wearing his nightclothes – a plain white shirt and a pair of grey tracksuit pants, both of which are too baggy for his tiny frame but a size down wouldn’t cover his long legs. He pads across the floor barefoot, balled fists rubbing his tired eyes and sensitive ears twitching. Phil has to restrain himself from cooing. He learnt pretty quickly that neko aren’t stupid, despite what he’d been raised to believe, so babbling at them as if they’re a hamster or something just feels awfully degrading. Usually he does just fine speaking to them as if they are human, but this one in particular just happens to be _really_ cute.

‘Here you go,’ he says, sliding the tray through the opening in the caging, straight onto the table inside. ‘Make sure you actually eat this time, your chart says you didn’t touch your dinner.’

‘I wasn’t hungry,’ Dan says, awfully quiet and hard to hear over the tinkling of utensils echoing down the hall.

‘You ate up all my chocolate just fine,’ Phil teases with a grin and Dan blushes. ‘I know this is nowhere near as exciting, but maybe I’ll bring you some more if you finish it.’

Dan nods and Phil can’t help but notice the way he’s twisting the end of his tail through his fingers and staring at Phil with a look he can’t quite place. Phil stills as his hands find the cart and thinks – has he forgotten something? Porridge, nuts, fruit, juice, water…it’s all there.

‘Did you-’ Dan starts but then stops himself, looking away bashfully.

‘Did I…?’ Phil encourages.

‘Um,’ he says, fingers twisting faster, ‘the book?’

Phil frowns, confused, and then it hits him.

‘Oh!’ he says, lighting up. ‘The Alchemist, yes! Sorry, yes, I have it right here.’

He bends down, pulling the paperback novel from an empty shelf at the bottom of the cart. He unlatches the food opening in Dan’s room again, holding the book through it and watching as his slender fingers wrap around the bright cover.

There you go,’ he says.

Dan studies the front of the book for a moment, then turns it over to skim the blurb. His brown eyes dart back and forth across the short paragraph before shooting up to meet Phil’s. For the first time, something akin to a smile ghosts Dan’s chapped lips and it does something strange to Phil’s insides.

 

****

 

Dan wizzes through the book faster than Phil could ever dream of. When he comes back to visit Dan on his break, he’s already halfway through and so divulged he doesn’t even hear when Phil calls his name. It takes a few tries and he raises his voice on the last, which turns out to be a pretty bad idea. He doesn’t yell – it’s barely louder than his normal tone – but it still makes Dan jerk so violently he almost topples off the mattress.

‘Woah, there,’ Phil says, raising his hands as if to steady him with the force, or something. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘Phil,’ he says in a voice so relieved it’s worrying.

‘Yeah, it’s just me. Just came by to see how you’re liking the book…very much, it seems.’

‘It’s amazing,’ Dan says in that tiny voice, staring at it in wonderment – it makes Phil question how anyone can think these creatures are unintelligent.

‘Looks like you’re going to need a new one by tomorrow morning. Should I bring you in something else? Maybe a longer one so you don’t devour it in thirty seconds,’ he laughs; Dan blushes, his tail brushing the side of his face to try and hide his embarrassment.

‘Yes, please,’ he replies shyly.

So it becomes somewhat of a tradition; Phil brings in one of his extensive selection of books for Dan and the neko spends hour after hour reading them. Each time Phil shows up with a new one Dan’s face – that slowly begins to fill out as he starts finishing his meals – will light up a little more than the last. Phil spends most of his breaks sitting on the lino floor outside of Dan’s room, chatting to him through the caging, and even though it’s generally him doing most of the talking it’s still nice to have someone to listen. He talks to Dan about everything – his job, his dreams, his favourite TV shows – and although it probably doesn’t mean much to Dan, it still seems to help him. He’s more confident in speaking to Phil now – still shy, but he doesn’t get that look like Phil’s going to snap at him for it – and he even makes a joke once or twice. Phil doesn’t press into any of the deeper stuff, like how he ended up in that alleyway or who it was that left him there, but he figures that’s what their psychology team is for. He’s more than happy to just be a form of company for Dan and, although he may not be trained to make the call, he knows he’s making progress.

 

*****

 

‘Neko 504 isn’t making any progress,’ Mark, the head psychologist, announces at their next staff meeting.

It’s been over a month since Dan had been brought to the shelter, and, if Mark’s notes are to be believed, he hasn’t said a single word in their therapy sessions during that time. Phil is honestly shocked to hear this – even PJ has started letting his guard down to them. Phil was so sure Dan has been improving, but apparently he’s no closer to being mentally ready for adoption than he was the day he came in.

‘We’ve also run an IQ and a few other intelligence tests, which have had…appalling results. Normally, I’d suggest a brain scan to check for any abnormalities or damage, but I know we can’t afford that.’

Phil’s heart is beating fast as he listens on, gripping to the metal frame of the break room chair. Brain scan? Abnormalities? What is he insinuating?

‘We’ve tried everything we can to get through to it, but I think this may be more than just stubbornness. I just don’t think there’s anything going on under all that hair,’ Mark continues; a few people laugh and Phil feels ill.

‘So, what do you suggest?’ Maggie says, sounding disappointed. ‘Do you think he’ll ever be fit for adoption?’

‘Without the scan it’s hard to say for sure but personally, I don’t think so. Nobody will want a neko who doesn’t understand simple orders. It might be worth considering…other options.’

Phil knows exactly what _other options_ means and the terror it strikes into his heart is what makes him rise to his feet.

‘No!’ he blurts; the small group of people fall silent and turn to stare at him. ‘No. You can’t do that. He’s not stupid. He talks to me all the time. He’s read more books this past month than all of us combined. He’s not braindead, he’s just scared.’

‘He’s _spoken_ to you?’ Mark says, looking annoyed. ‘And you didn’t think to mention it to anyone?’

‘Well,’ Phil says, going red, ‘I didn’t know he wasn’t making improvements with his therapy. I don’t talk about it with him and I don’t spend my breaks in here, so…I didn’t know.’

‘What _do_ you talk about with him?’ Peter, one of their nurses, drawls, eyeing Phil suspiciously.

‘Just, y’know, stuff,’ he says with an awkward shrug.

‘Well, that’s great!’ Maggie chirps, steamrolling the uncomfortable air that had settled. ‘If Phil says he can talk and read, then surely-‘

‘He’s an intern!’ Mark says, anger rising. ‘He has no clue, he’s lying! He’s just a sentimental kid who doesn’t want to see the cute animal be put down.’

‘I’m not lying!’ Phil insists, and stomping his foot probably isn’t the best counter to the _kid_ retort, but he’s just that desperate to get his point across. ‘He’s smart and more than capable of being adopted. I’ll show you. I can prove it. Just give me time, please?’

He wonders exactly _how_ he’s going to prove it. He imagines the easiest thing to do at this point is march them all to Dan’s room and demand that he speaks. There’s a part of him that’s desperate to do that, but the rational part of his brain knows that will never work. Dan is fragile and incredibly introverted – not only would Phil trying to force him to do something he’s clearly so afraid to do push him further into silence, it would likely ruin any kind of trust he’s built between them. If that happens and Dan stops talking to him as well, what hope does the neko have? No, this is something that will take a little bit of time and Phil isn’t exactly sure how he’s going to do it, but all he needs right now is to be given that time. He looks at Maggie, who glances between Mark and himself, mouth opening and then closing. She turns to look at Stephen, the only other person with close to her own experience, who just shrugs and rubs his pointer and middle finger against his thumb.

‘Housing a neko is expensive, Phil,’ she starts, delicately. ‘We only have so many rooms, which means we can only take so many in and...well, it’s hard to get the _intelligent_ ones adopted.’

‘But Dan _is_ intelligent,’ Phil insists. ‘I swear, I can help him. Even if he has to…he can stay with me! At my apartment! I can feed him and house him and I’ll bring him in for therapy until you think he’s okay to be put up for adoption and then he can come back. That way it won’t cost you any more money and he won’t-‘

Phil’s final words die in his throat and the heavy silence falls again. He looks desperately at Maggie’s pondering face and almost passes out with relief when she finally nods.

‘Well, I don’t see why not. But you have to promise to bring him back if he becomes a danger to you at any point.’

‘I promise,’ Phil gushes with a grin, ignoring Mark’s glare burning through his head. ‘I’ll get my place organised tonight and I’ll pick him up tomorrow.’

 

*****

 

As the tube carriage bounces and rattles, Dan clutches so tightly to the seat his knuckles turn white. His shoulders are hunched and ears are flat against his head just like the first time Phil saw him and he trembles from head to toe. Phil curses himself for not catching a cab – the mass amount of people squeezed into the cramped area is surely doing nothing to help Dan’s anxiety.

‘Are you okay?’ Phil whispers to him; Dan doesn’t respond, just keeps his eyes glued to the ground.

The ride seems to be a lot longer than Phil remembers, and when they do finally get to his station Dan’s tail almost gets caught in the closing doors. Phil has to quickly yank it out of the way as they shut like a guillotine. Dan yelps – in surprise, or pain, or maybe both – and staggers away from Phil with such a look of terror that Phil’s mouth goes dry.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, holding up his hands to try and show he’s not threatening. ‘You almost got snagged in the door, I just didn’t want you to get hurt.’

Dan has the end of his tail clasped protectively in his hands and refuses to look directly at Phil. He does nod, though, and follows as Phil leads them away from the station on foot. It’s a Saturday, so the streets are fairly packed and Phil makes sure to stay as close as he can to Dan without making the neko uncomfortable. Once they escape the hustle and bustle of the main roads, Phil feels safe to talk freely.

‘So, I’m sure you have questions,’ he says, glancing at Dan as they walk down the cobblestone side-street. ‘I know Maggie explained the situation but I’m not really sure what she said.’

‘She said I have to live with you,’ Dan says quietly, watching his shoes slap the footpath.

‘Did she tell you why?’ Phil asks; he leaves a pause long enough for Dan to fill if he chooses, which he doesn’t. ‘It’s because you weren’t responding to therapy. They thought you couldn’t understand them. I get it if you were scared to talk, but…why did you purposely do so bad on the IQ test? I know you’re smarter than that. You’re smarter than _me_.’

Dan doesn’t respond and Phil sighs. Carefully, very carefully, he puts his hand on Dan’s back and rubs his shoulder-blade. Dan stiffens a little, but doesn’t pull away.

‘It’ll be alright,’ Phil says. ‘You can stay with me for as long as it takes.’

 

Phil pushes open the door to his apartment with some difficulty – the lock has a tendency to get stuck, he still has to fix that – and leads Dan into the tiny place. It’s only a one bedroom, with a combined kitchen/living/dining area and a bathroom with a shower-bath. It’s really not much, but it’s cheap and it’s certainly bigger than Dan’s room back at the shelter. Dan lingers in the doorway as Phil rushes around the flat, putting away his wallet and keys and flicking on the kettle to make tea.

‘You can come in,’ Phil laughs. ‘I’m just gonna run to the bathroom, then we’ll have tea, yeah?’

He darts into the bathroom – he _really_ should have peed before they got on the train – and takes a moment to wash his hands and do a fringe check. When he walks back out, Dan is stood in the middle of the kitchen with almost every cupboard door open, gripping his ears and breathing heavily.

‘Hey, hey, what’s wrong?’ Phil asks, rushing over to Dan who takes a staggered step backwards.

‘I’m sorry,’ he stutters through his laboured breathing. ‘I-I couldn’t find the mugs, I’m sorry.’

‘Why, Dan? I was going to-‘

‘I’m sorry, Master,’ Dan squeaks, tail curling around his leg on reflex.

‘ _Master_?’ Phil splutters. ‘What are you- _oh_. Oh, Dan, no. No, you’re not _my_ pet. You’re just here to stay with me. You don’t belong to me.’

Dan doesn’t seem too settled by this. He’s still breathing fast, threatening to plunge into some kind of panic attack, eyes refusing to meet Phil’s – Phil can see now what they mean by _unfit for adoption_.

‘Hey,’ Phil says, reaching out for him – Dan flinches and he slows his movements. ‘I’m not gonna hurt you, look.’

He wraps his fingers loosely around Dan’s wrists and tugs them gently, pulling his hands away from his crumpled ears.

‘Come on, you’re gonna hurt yourself, there we go. Why don’t you go sit down while I do this, okay?’

Dan nods slowly, still avoiding looking at Phil as he patters out of the kitchen and around the slight bend into the living area. Phil watches him go, sighing and shaking his head as he disappears.

‘God,’ Phil whispers to himself as he grabs two mugs from one of the only unopened cupboards. ‘What did they do to you?’

 

When Phil rounds the corner with a steaming mug of tea in each hand, he has to stop and laugh at the sight because if he doesn’t, he might cry. There’s a perfectly good three-seater pull-out couch pushed against the wall, complete with nerdy cushions and a space blanket, but there Dan is, sitting on the hard floor beside it.

‘Dan,’ he says, watching the neko’s ears perk up before his head lifts to look at him. ‘You don’t have to sit on the floor. Hop up on the couch.’

Phil settles into the furthest seat of the couch and waits for Dan to crawl up beside him. He nestles against the cushions, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his tail around them. Phil holds out one of the mugs towards him, watching Dan expectantly as he studies the Hello Kitty design with his dark eyes. He doesn’t say anything, but Phil can see the utterly unimpressed quirk to his eyebrows. He giggles, almost spilling hot tea on his lap. Dan takes it with steady hands, quite a lot calmer than he’d been in the kitchen.

‘I wasn’t sure how you like it, so I just made it with two sugars like mine. Do you normally take sugar?’

‘I don’t know,’ Dan says, looking down into the milky beverage. ‘I’ve never had it.’

‘You’ve never had _tea?_ ’ Phil gasps, appalled. ‘And you live in _England_?’

‘I’ve made it before,’ Dan says softly. ‘Lots of times. I can make it, I swear. I just couldn’t find the mugs.’

Phil identifies the change in Dan’s tone and places his free hand on his knee in an attempt to calm him. Whether it works, he’s not sure, but the neko falls silent.

‘Dan, I told you, you’re not my pet. And even if you were, it’s not like you’re a _slave_ or anything. You don’t have to make me tea. You can, if you want to. But you don’t have to. Okay?’

Dan nods, clearly struggling with the concept of free-will. He sniffs the sweet steamy fumes from his mug and takes a small sip. His ears shoot straight up just like they had with the chocolate and Phil can’t help but grin – he almost wants to keep making Dan try new foods just to see that little reaction. He continues to watch the neko as he sips at his drink, tail slowly unwinding from his legs and swaying gently. Every now and again Phil feels it brush his knee and it leaves a warm sensation in its wake.

‘Dan,’ he says, sudden but soft as to not startle him. ‘Can I ask you something?’

Dan blinks his big brown eyes at him before nodding again, roughly cut fringe falling across them.

‘Why, um,’ Phil hesitates, thinking of the gentlest way to word his question. ‘Why did you end up at the BSPCN?’

‘Because they found me and brought me in,’ he says.

‘Yes, but…why were you alone? Who left you there?’

‘Nobody.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I was hiding.’

‘From what?’ Phil says, frowning, and then it dawns on him because it’s so bloody obvious from what. ‘From your owner.’

It’s hardly a question, more of a statement, but Dan nods anyway. His mug is completely empty but he doesn’t put it on the coffee table, just holds onto it tightly.

‘Did you run away?’ _nod_ ‘Were you okay?’ _nod_ ‘And then we picked you up?’ _nod_.

‘I thought they were taking me back,’ he whispers, and Phil knows it’s purely to hide the crack in his voice as his beautiful eyes tear up. ‘I can’t go back. Please, don’t make me go back.’

Phil knows this could very well be an issue in the future. If a neko is given up or abandoned an adoption isn’t an issue, but if they’re lost or stolen and their owner comes to claim them…there’s nothing they can do. It’s a legal binding; someone has paid money for Dan. Phil knows if push comes to shove they will _have_ to release him. He just hopes to God it doesn’t happen.

‘I’m not going to tell anyone,’ Phil promises. ‘You’re safe here.’

Phil wants to know exactly what he’s keeping Dan safe _from_ but the neko looks so weak and vulnerable as it is. He knows he’s going to have to pry it out of him eventually – not that it seems to take Phil all that much prying, for whatever reason – so he can convince Dan to open up in therapy. That way he can hopefully be adopted by a new family with a new serial number and he’ll be lost in the system to his previous owner. It’s not concrete, but it’s the best hope he’s got. It’s either that or prove physical violence towards the neko, if that’s what it even was, which will be almost impossible with nobody’s word except Dan’s – it’s not like he’s recognised as a person in a court of law. But now isn’t the time to worry about that.

‘How about we get some lunch. You must be starving. Have you ever tried pizza? If not, you’re in for a treat.’

 

Phil spends most of the day on the couch with Dan, watching TV and feeding him snacks. He gets a tremendous kick every time Dan’s ears do the thing and nearly hyperventilates from laughing when he throws a sour lolly into the mix. Dan’s entire face screws up and his ears go haywire, pointing in all different directions, and it’s possibly the cutest thing Phil has ever seen. Dan seems to be enjoying himself – he returns to the comfortable, albeit a little one-sided, banter they built up through the caging of his room at the BSPCN – and it’s almost like Phil’s just hanging out with one of his friends. The issue with this is Phil is quite a touchy-feely person when it comes to his personal relationships, so it’s almost natural instinct when he reaches out to run his hand gently over one of Dan’s ears. It’s warm and extremely soft and Phil regrets it immediately when Dan stiffens back up.

‘Sorry,’ Phil says, jerking his hand away, feeling like an absolute idiot. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘No,’ Dan says softly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. ‘It’s okay.’

It seems like things are picking up quickly and Phil thinks maybe it will be sooner that Dan is ready for therapy than the later he’d assumed. He’s just about ready to classify their first day as a success and start working on his petty I-told-you-so speech to Mark when things take a turn for the worse.

‘Alright,’ Phil says, groaning as he stretches and glances at the clock on the wall – it’s nearly 12 AM and it’s been a long day. ‘It’s getting late.’

He stands up, mentally running through the checklist of things he needs to do: pull out and set up the couch for Dan, grab him a pair of pyjamas, probably rip a hole in said pyjamas so his tail doesn’t get sore, check the door’s locked, brush his teeth. He realises he forgot to get a spare toothbrush for Dan and the only real clothes he has are the jeans and shirt he’s wearing now, which Phil assumes is what he was originally found in. They’ll need to go shopping – but he’ll think about that tomorrow.

‘C’mon,’ he chirps. ‘Up you get, it’s bedtime.’

Dan freezes, staring up at him with wide eyes. His pupils dart back and forth between Phil’s and his ears press back. The little bit of tension that had relaxed from his shoulders tightens back up again and he looks scared, but it’s more than that. There are complex emotions in those dark eyes that Phil can’t even try to comprehend, let alone understand.

‘B-Bedtime?’ he stutters; Phil wonders if maybe he’s afraid of the dark.

‘Yeah. I leave the lights on, if that makes you feel better.’

‘No,’ he says, eyelashes batting rapidly as he shakes his head. ‘No lights.’

‘Alright,’ Phil says, a little unsurely at Dan’s strange reaction. ‘Well, up you get, then.’

Phil watches as Dan swallows thickly. He takes a deep breath, eyes suddenly looking everywhere but at Phil.

‘Okay,’ he whispers, nodding curtly and standing up before taking off his shirt.

Phil’s about to tell him that he doesn’t have to change here, that he can use the bathroom for some privacy, but the words die in his throat when Dan drops to his knees in front of Phil and takes hold of his belt.

‘Dan?’ he chokes. ‘Dan, what are you doing?’

Dan doesn’t answer – his hands are right there unbuckling Phil’s belt but his mind seems a million miles away.

‘Dan, stop. Dan!’ Phil says, grabbing Dan’s wrists to physically halt him, perhaps a little harder than intended.

The neko jolts, looking up at Phil with a nauseating mix of fear and confusion. His rose-pink lips hang slightly ajar and under any other circumstance Phil would admire how lovely he looks, but with a realisation heavier than a tonne of bricks smashing into his stomach he just feels like he’s going to vomit.

‘Dan,’ he says again, because he doesn’t know what else to say. ‘Oh, God, Dan.’

‘A-Am I doing it wrong?’ he asks; the sorrow Phil feels grip his heart at that is no real surprise, but he isn’t expecting the fierce rush of absolute fury.

How fucking _dare_ they? How dare his owner take advantage of him like that – treat him like he’s some kind of sex toy, as if he has the right just because he _paid_ for him. How dare they force an innocent boy to do these things – a neko who hasn’t even gone through _heat_ yet. How dare they disregard Dan’s feelings like he’s some kind of _animal_. And yes, technically he isn’t classified as human, but he has the same emotions and _fears_ as one, and it’s bad enough that neko can be owned, let alone treated like this with no way to get justice for themselves. It doesn’t _matter_ if he’s classed as a pet, it’s still just as terrible, it’s still _sexual assault_.

‘Stand up,’ Phil says, far too brash but he’s just so _angry_.

Dan does as he’s told in an instant and it only serves to make Phil feel worse. How he wishes Dan had said no and spat at his feet. He knows it’s possible for a neko to stand up for themselves and talk back  – PJ is living proof of that. PJ is every bit as self-aware as he wants Dan to be, and Phil is working for a place that’s in the middle of reconditioning that right now. Dan had ran away, he’d been free, and they’d put him in a cage and told him he was broken. Phil’s head is swimming as he grabs onto Dan’s shoulders and looks him in his wide, frightened eyes.

‘Listen to me, Dan,’ he says, fighting to keep his trembling voice even. ‘You don’t have to do that, okay? You never have to do that again in your life if you don’t want to. _Especially_ if someone is telling you to. You’re not – you don’t –‘

‘Yes, I do,’ Dan says and it’s the loudest three words he’s ever spoken; his voice is thick and his eyes are filling with tears. ‘It’s what I’m for. It’s what I was bred for.’

‘You weren’t _bred_ , you were _born_ ,’ Phil says, and his voice is so desperate as he clings to Dan’s shoulders. ‘You have free-thought and free-will. You’re not _for_ anything but yourself.’

‘But…but I’m a neko. I was bred to please my master-‘

‘Your master was a _fucking asshole_ ,’ Phil hisses. ‘How old were you when he bought you?’

‘Ten,’ he says. ‘He bought me from the nursery when I was ten.’

‘And how old were you when he started making you do...that?’

‘F-Fourteen,’ he chokes, bottom lip quivering.

‘ _Fuck_. And did he…did he make you do anything else?’ _nod_ ‘Did he touch you?’ _nod_ ‘Did he h-have…sex with you?’

‘Yes,’ Dan sobs, tears breaking free and trailing down his cheeks. ‘Every b-bedtime.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ Phil says, and then he’s pulling Dan into him and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

Dan sobs into his shoulder as Phil caresses his head, running his fingers through his hair and stroking at his ears. Dan’s frail body trembles in his arms, wracking with years of repressed emotion. He cries for a long time and Phil just holds him, letting him soak through the shoulder of his shirt. When Dan starts to calm, Phil realises it’s because he’s been stroking behind his left ear. He scratches a little harder and Dan’s sniffles soften to shuddered breathing. Eventually, even that goes back to normal and now he’s just nuzzling his head against Phil’s hand.

‘Dan?’ he whispers, finally breaking the silence.

‘Yes?’ he whispers back.

‘Do you want to lie down?’

Phil pulls away when he feels Dan nod and swipes his thumb across his wet cheek.

‘You wait here,’ he says, soft and tender. ‘I’ll go get you some pyjamas and then I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep.’

 

*****

 

The progress Phil makes with Dan over the next two weeks is phenomenal. He almost expects the neko to close himself back off after what Phil discovered that night, but it’s almost as if he’s been waiting for someone like Phil since it all began; not someone to save him, but someone to listen. The change in Dan is slow – naturally, as eight years of ingrained habits and programming aren’t easy to break – but they’re most definitely there. He doesn’t take every plan Phil mutters aloud as an order anymore and he doesn’t fret every time he knocks over one of Phil’s scattered figurines with his tail. Dan even makes himself a cup of tea without making one for Phil as well – it takes Phil saying no to the offer three times to happen, but it happens. He’s also eating more than Phil’s ever seen him eat. At the start of the two weeks, he only picked at his food until Phil was finished and refused to eat any more, but now, he cleans his plate and even accepts seconds when offered. The sudden intake of calories has given him a little belly that Phil can’t help but pat every now and again. The first time he does it, he actually hears Dan giggle.

Although Phil is in no way willing to treat Dan as his slave, he also doesn’t want to give him the idea that he’s his pet either. He’s hesitant at first, but when he realises Dan’s insistence on helping with housework is to prove he’s as capable as a human, Phil lets him. They divide up the things that need to be done around the house and Dan does his half while Phil’s at work; when Phil gets home he says _thanks_ instead of _good job_ and when he starts on his own, Dan sits quietly on the couch instead of frantically taking over. The one chore they share is the dishes and, since there’s only two of them, they wait until after dinner to do the days’ load side-by-side. Phil will wash while Dan dries, his tail occasionally brushing against Phil’s bare ankles and making him shiver. It’s not at all what Phil was expecting when he offered to house an unfit neko; it’s much more domestic, and closer to having a roommate than anything.

Work is a little different. Phil can’t make his mind up about how he feels towards the shelter – whether he hates it for keeping all these sentient, self-aware beings locked up, or loves it for saving so many of their lives. It’s strange not having Dan to talk to on his breaks, but he uses that time to try and socialise with the other neko instead. A lot of them won’t have a bar of it, which is understandable, but some seem almost pleased to have a real conversation. He lingers around PJ’s room quite a bit, glad to learn that, although he’s become a lot less defensive, he still has his sharp wit and tongue. There’s some tension between himself and a few of the staff, mostly from the psychology team, but he’s generally running around doing odd jobs anyway, so there isn’t much time for it to get to him. He knows they’re just waiting for him to throw in the towel and ask for Dan to be taken away and Phil almost wants to gloat about how well the neko is doing, but he saves it for when Dan is fully ready. As for the concept of Dan being adopted, well…Phil doesn’t agree with it at all, but he understands that there’s no way he can survive in this morally corrupt world without an owner. It’s the best case of a bad situation and as long as his new family treats him right, Phil supposes he can live with himself.

It’s natural that the dynamic between Phil and Dan changes with everything else. As they cross the border between _a helping hand_ to something more akin to _friends_ , it’s only normal that they will become more affectionate towards one another. It’s still not as touchy as Phil often gets, but that’s only because he’s constantly hyper-aware of what Dan has had done to him. He doesn’t want to push him, as physical touch is clearly something he struggles with, so he keeps it mild and waits for Dan to move things forward. Phil sticks to soft brushes of the arm and barely-there touches of the knee, more to let Dan know he’s there than anything. It’s Dan who shuffles the inch closer across the couch each night; by the seventh day he has his toes curling against Phil’ thigh, on the tenth it’s his thigh, and on the fifteenth he spreads himself across the whole thing and places his head in Phil’s lap.

Phil looks down from the TV, his expression of surprise melting into a fond smile when he sees two pretty eyes staring up at him. Dan smiles back, small but genuine, and rubs his head backwards against Phil’s thigh.

‘Can you scratch my ears?’ Dan asks in the worlds’ tiniest voice and Phil’s stomach squirms so violently he’s sure Dan must feel it through his legs.

‘Of course,’ he says, moving his fingers to rub at the sensitive spot behind Dan’s ear.

Phil’s glasses are slowly slipping off his face because of the angle, but he’s not about to look away when Dan’s almond eyes are draping closed in pleasure. His plump lips fall open, his breathing deepens, and then he does something Phil never expected to see from the scared, broken neko he had seen that first day at the shelter – he begins to purr. It’s surreal to witness, honestly. His family never owned a neko when he was young and he’s only really been close to those at the BSPCN, so it’s something he’s never experienced before. He’s seen videos, sure, but first-hand it just feels so much more…intimidate. Just knowing that the movement of his fingers is bringing these low, pleasured noises from deep in Dan’s chest is a little overwhelming, not to mention the relaxed look of ecstasy on his face. Dan looks so content and vulnerable and blissful and it’s because of him –

‘I-I need to get up,’ Phil says suddenly.

‘Hmm?’ Dan hums, groggy eyes cracking open to look up at him. ‘What?’

‘I need to go to the bathroom,’ Phil rushes, half-standing before Dan even begins to move. ‘Sorry.’

Phil stumbles into the bathroom and only when the door is locked behind him does he let himself breathe.

 

*****

 

Phil has to speak to Dan about starting therapy. It’s the underlying reason he brought him to stay in his apartment in the first place, and it’s now nearing on three weeks without a single mention of it. He’s been telling himself it’s because he’s waiting for Dan to be ready but the reality is that he never will be. With something like what Dan has experienced, he’s not just going to wake up one day wanting to talk about it. He’s happier since living with Phil, sure, but he’s not suddenly mentally stable just because Phil has shown him affection. It’s something that will take a cold plunge that Dan’s never going to be fully prepared for. Phil _knows_ this, yet, for some reason, he still can’t seem to get his mouth to say the seven letter word as they silently eat their dinner together. Phil looks over at Dan, sat on his usual side of the couch, and watches him nibble on his third slice of pizza. Phil thinks about how it’s become _his_ side of the couch and _his_ Hello Kitty mug and _their_ pizza order. He thinks to himself _he’s not ready_ and wonders exactly who the _he_ in that statement is.

 

*****

 

‘So, any end date on your armature experiment with the neko?’

Phil looks up from his cucumber sandwich to see Mark standing over him, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. Phil usually misses him at lunch since he’s always in the housing unit, but his filing went overtime this afternoon and by the time he was done the neko had been taken outside for their couple hours in the sun. He had considered joining them, but he knows Maggie oversees the outdoor hours and she would’ve scolded him for not taking a proper break, so he resigned himself to the break room.

‘He’ll be ready soon,’ Phil says, taking another bite.

‘Soon, yeah, I’ve heard that before. Just like the government will be giving us the grant for that MRI machine _soon_ ,’ Mark says; Phil isn’t the worlds’ most observant person, but he wonders how the hell he missed how much of a smart-ass this guy is before now.

‘I’m serious,’ he says, putting down his food and brushing his fringe from his eyes. ‘He’s been making huge improvements.’

‘Then why not book in a session? I’m busy, you know,’ Mark says.

‘Fine,’ Phil quips.

‘How does Friday at 10 sound?’

‘Sounds perfect,’ he snaps.

‘Great,’ Mark grins, taking his phone from his coat pocket and assumedly booking the session into his calendar. ‘Can’t wait to see your little prodigy.’

When he leaves the room he takes the air with it. Phil’s chest feels tight with the knowledge that Friday is only two days away and he’s still yet to bring even the concept of therapy up with Dan. It’s not ideal, but he thinks _cold plunge_ and remembers none of this is ideal. As much as he dislikes Mark, Phil’s almost glad that he came in and just tore the band-aid off for him. It does sting – perhaps a little worse than he expected – but he knows full well that he will have never done it on his own. It’s entirely selfish because this is in no way about him; this is about Dan getting the help he needs and deserves. Becoming someone’s pet may not be the _life_ he deserves, but Phil prays that at the very least he’ll be safe and well.

He thinks about the conversation all day long. He rehearses in his head what he’s going to say and how he thinks Dan will react. He hopes to God he doesn’t implode back in on himself and fall silent again, but there’s a part of his brain telling him they’re too deep for that now, too far past it. He imagines a hundred different scenarios but is still no closer to knowing and it drives him insane. As much as he’s dreading having to do it, he’s almost relieved when he pushes open the door to his apartment because he can finally stop thinking about it and just _do_ it. He walks inside to find Dan curled up on the couch, reading a book with his tail swaying idly.

‘Hi,’ Dan says, looking up at Phil with a content little smile that sends Phil’s heart racing. ‘How was work?’

‘I need to talk to you,’ Phil says, stream-rolling right over Dan’s attempt at small talk, but the neko boy doesn’t look offended, merely curious.

‘Okay,’ he says, putting down his book as Phil takes a seat beside him.

Phil turns to face him directly, losing his train of thought for a moment as his eyes meet Dan’s, and the fact something as simple as that can derail the constant loop that’s been clacking around in his head all day makes his hands shake.

‘Do you remember how Maggie told you you’ll be staying here until you’re ready to go back to therapy? Well, I think it’s something we need to discuss,’ he says in one long breath.

‘Oh,’ Dan says, blinking a few times. ‘You mean…b-back at the shelter?’

‘I know you don’t like the idea, but it will help you, I promise. With what your last owner put you through…you can’t keep that inside you forever, Dan.’

‘But it’s not inside me,’ Dan says. ‘You know. You helped.’

‘No,’ Phil says, shaking his head. ‘I didn’t. Talking about it did. But that won’t last forever. This will.’

Dan looks down at his fingers that have wound themselves around his tail. He takes a deep breath before nodding on an exhale.

‘Okay,’ he says. ‘I’ll think about it.’

‘Right,’ Phil says, letting the awkward silence run far too long before adding, ‘I’ve booked you a session for Friday.’

Dan’s head snaps up, eyes blowing wide as he stares at Phil in disbelief.

‘You what?’ he says, a little frantic.

‘It’s okay, it’s just an hour session with Mark,’ Phil says, keeping his voice calm. ‘You don’t have to talk about everything at once. They’ll be right there every day, so you can always ask to-‘

‘You’re making me live there again?’ Dan frets, fingers tightening. ‘In that tiny room? On my own?’

‘It won’t be forever, Dan. It’s only until they can pass you as mentally stable and then you’ll be put up for adoption.’

‘I don’t _want_ to be fucking adopted,’ he yells, jumping to his feet, and Phil jolts with shock.

‘Dan, you _have_ to be adopted. How are you going to live without an owner? You’re a neko, you can’t, and I don’t like it either but it’s the way things are,’ Phil says.

‘I won’t be alone. I can stay here. I don’t want an owner, I want _you_.’

‘What if your master comes looking for you?’ Phil says. ‘There won’t be anything I can do to stop him taking you. There’s no documents, nothing. I don’t own you.’

‘Then do it!’ Dan cries, twisting at his tail so fiercely tufts of fur tear out between his fingers. ‘You adopt me and then I can stay.’

‘I can’t,’ Phil says, shaking his head and grabbing at Dan’s wrists. ‘Dan, stop, you’re hurting yourself.’

Dan yanks his wrists out of Phil’s reach and takes a stumbled step backwards.

‘Because you don’t want to,’ he says, frantic octaves nosediving into sad revelation. ‘Because you want to get rid of me.’

‘Because I can’t _do_ that to you,’ Phil says, vaulting to his feet. ‘I can’t _own_ you. I can’t make you my property. I care about you and I can’t take your freedom like that.’

‘You’d rather let me be owned by someone else? By someone who’ll t-touch me when I don’t want them to?’ Dan says, and he’s crying now, heavy tears streaking down his face. ‘Someone who pulls my tail for fun and feeds me scraps and makes me sleep on the floor?’

‘I…no, Dan. Of course not. Your last owner was scum, okay? But not everyone is like that. Believe me, we’ll do a background check on anyone who applies for you and weekly visits for the first month and _I’ll_ come around myself to make sure you’re being treated right,’ he says.

Phil steps forward hesitantly. When Dan doesn’t step away, he reaches out to take his hands and gently pries them off his frizzled tail. It swings down and lays limp between his legs as Dan’s shoulders sag and his ears droop. Phil tangles his own fingers with Dan’s and squeezes.

‘I don’t want to leave,’ Dan rasps through his silent tears. ‘I like it here with you. I like you.’

‘And I like having you here, Dan, so much. But I just want what’s best for you.’

Dan looks as if he’s going to argue but then deflates completely, nodding his head. Phil moves his hands from Dan’s slack fingers to his face, cupping his cheeks and wiping the stray tears from under his eyes. He pulls Dan forward just far enough to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, hearing his breath catch in his raw throat.

‘Two more nights, then?’ Dan whispers. ‘And I’ll be gone?’

‘Yeah,’ Phil sighs, looking down and letting his hands slip from Dan’s face. ‘Two more nights.’

‘Can I sleep with you?’ he asks, as if he’s been holding in the question for days. ‘Even just at the end of your bed. Please.’

Phil hesitates, but when he sees the hopeful look in Dan’s eyes he can’t bring himself to say anything other than,

‘Yes. Of course you can.’

 

*****

 

Phil wakes to the sight of golden morning rays dancing across Dan’s peaceful, sleeping face. The neko is curled up in the blankets, head lain on Phil’s spare pillow and body turned towards him. Phil sighs heavily as he watches him, shaking a hand out from beneath the covers to sweep the hair from his forehead. Dan’s ears twitch in his sleep and Phil’s smile is the saddest happy thing he’s felt. One more day and he won’t be able to touch him like this again. After that, he won’t even have warning of how long until he’ll never see him again. Of course he’ll tell him he’ll visit if it keeps him safe, but that won’t be up to Phil – that will be up to Dan’s new owner. All they’ll have to do is say no, and that will be that.

‘Fuck,’ he whispers, closing his eyes. ‘I’m gonna miss you.’

He’s so close to crumbling – so close to saying _fuck morals_ and just adopting Dan himself. He knows that’s what Dan wants right now, and Phil just wants _Dan_ , but he can’t. It would be the most selfish decision he could possibly make. He’s 22 with a tiny apartment and an interns salary. He would barely be able to afford to _buy_ Dan, let alone keep him. Even the extra food over the past three weeks and the few clothes he’s bought for him have drained his savings to almost nil. If he adopts Dan, he’ll be taking him away from someone who can afford to keep him fed and warm and content. All Phil has to offer is his heart and he’s not naive enough to think that’s worth much in this cruel world. He knows it’ll mean a lot to Dan, that he’ll say he doesn’t care and he’d rather be starving here than somewhere he doesn’t know, but that’s not _fair_. It’s easy to say when your stomach is full and it’s only the fear of the unknown that Phil will be saving him from. Once he settles in to the new home he will feel the same as he does for Phil’s – it’s the safety he craves, not him. Phil’s stuck in reverse. No, it’s just a simple case of _if you love them let them go_. It’s happened before and it’ll happen again.

Dan’s breathing changes as he begins to wake, eyelids scrunching tight before they flicker open to the soft morning light. He blinks a few times, his hazy brain slowly identifying his surroundings, and when he focuses on Phil his expression becomes that of pure, unadulterated happiness. It’s the most beautiful thing Phil has ever seen, but it’s fleeting as the weight of the ticking clock drags his smiling lips back down.

‘Hello,’ Phil says, rubbing a soft hand down Dan’s exposed arm.

‘Hi,’ he whispers back in the hoarse morning voice Phil’s come to adore. ‘What time is it?’

‘Just gone six,’ Phil says.

‘Are you going to work?’

‘Yeah,’ he sighs; the last thing he wants to do is spend the last day he has to be with Dan alone at that fucking shelter. ‘I have to.’

‘Can we make those pancakes before you go? The ones with the chocolate?’ Dan asks, and it’s clear he knows full well with everything that will be happening the following day, this is his last chance to have them.

‘Of course,’ Phil says. ‘Anything you want.’

 

The morning passes far too quick and the day too slow. It feels as if time is running through honey and nothing he does makes it go any faster. When home-time does finally roll around, Phil swears he sits on the tube for a week waiting for his station. He practically runs from the station to his apartment and shoves open the door – he really needs to fix the bloody lock – to find an empty living room. Everything’s been cleaned up, even a few of the things Phil was supposed to take care of, and he panics for a moment until he hears shuffling in the bedroom. Behind the door, Dan is sat cross-legged on the bed, a small stack of papers in his lap and one of Phil’s shirts on his shoulders.

‘Hey,’ Phil greets, dropping his bag by the bedroom door and crawling onto the double bed. ‘Nice shirt.’

Dan smiles to himself, a soft blush crawling up his cheeks that blends nicely with the galaxy print. His eyes and hands remain on the papers as he says a soft hello.

‘What’s that?’ Phil asks, noticing the slight hesitance and, perhaps, embarrassment in Dan’s tone.

‘Something for you,’ he almost squeaks, and his blush deepens tenfold.

‘Oh?’ Phil says, scooting closer to look down at what’s written on the top page. ‘Wait….is that…’

‘Poems,’ Dan says with a nod, holding them out towards Phil but still not having the courage to look at him.

‘Dan…’ Phil gushes, skimming the first few hand-written lines before continuing. ‘Did you write this yourself?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry if my handwriting is bad – they never taught us very well,’ he says.

The letters themselves are a little scratchy and uneven, but the words they string together are absolutely beautiful.

‘This is amazing,’ Phil says. ‘Where did you learn to write poetry like this? And _when_ did you do all this? How have I not noticed?’

‘From books,’ he says, simply. ‘And while you’ve been at work. I hid them behind the couch. I had to steal some of your paper to do it, I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise, you daft idiot,’ Phil says, the insult so incredibly endearing that Dan can’t possibly think of taking it as truth. ‘This is amazing. God, Dan, you’re good. You’re so good.’

‘They’re all about you, and how you make me feel,’ he says. ‘I wanted you to have them, s-so you don’t forget me.’

Phil looks up from the poems clasped in his hand and stares at Dan; the neko is chancing short glances at him before quickly looking away.

‘I could never forget you,’ Phil says, a little thickly, and without really thinking he places a soft kiss on the warm skin of Dan’s cheek.

 

*****

 

The train ride into the shelter is just as tense as the ride out had been. The difference this time is Phil has one of Dan’s hands clasped in his own to keep him calm. He had originally taken it to stop the neko shredding at his tail, but his fingers had lingered and locked into Dan’s and that’s where they stayed. It’s the fastest the journey has felt to Phil in ages and as they walk through the front doors of the BSPCN a heaviness falls on his heart that he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.

‘You’ll be okay,’ Phil whispers to Dan, who’s barely spoken a word since they left the confines of the apartment. ‘It’ll just be like an introductory session again. Mark will ask you a few questions, maybe have you take a test or two. It’s just to assess you before they re-admit you. I’ll be right outside, for this and for all your other sessions. Okay?’

Dan’s nod is almost non-existent. There’s so much hesitation and fear that Phil catches himself wondering again whether this is a good idea, whether he’s ready. _Cold plunge_ , he reminds himself.

‘You have so much potential, Dan,’ he says. ‘You’re so smart, you’re young, you haven’t gone through heat yet…out of every neko here, you’ll be first pick. Once you’re cleared you’ll be adopted in no time and you’ll never have to see this place again.’

Phil chops up the tension that rises in Dan’s shoulders as nerves and walks them forwards as the door to the medical room opens. Mark shoots him a look that he repays with a stone-cold stare. He wonders if he should request someone else to be Dan’s psychologist, but, although he may be an asshole, Mark is still professional.

‘Hello, Dan,’ Mark says; it seems they use the neko’s given names during therapy, probably for the same reason Phil had asked Dan for it when they first met. ‘Come in and take a seat, we can begin.’

Maggie had given Phil a later start to the day so he could bring Dan in at 10, but now that the door is closing with Dan on the other side he has no excuse not to get to work. Thankfully, he’s on filing again, so he’s only a few doors down the hall. He tries his best to get it done but his mind is going a mile a minute and he can barely remember the alphabet he’s so distracted. He looks at the clock on the wall every thirty seconds and thinks about Dan – what he’s being asked and what he’s answering with and if he’s thinking of him, too. The selfish pang of sadness becomes more like a fire in his chest, but he extinguishes it with his guilt. He knows everything he said about Dan’s high chances of adoption is true and he doesn’t want to lose him to a new owner but this isn’t about what he wants, this is about what’s best for Dan. Phil’s hands are sweating through the manila folders and when the analogue clock finally spins around to 11, he’s practically running out of the room.

He only has to linger in the hall for less than a minute before the medical room door is swinging open and Mark is striding out. He closes it behind him and walks towards Phil with a huge self-satisfied grin. Phil thinks he might pass out.

‘Well,’ Mark says, shoving a sheet of paper against Phil’s chest, ‘there you have it. The second IQ test for your little genius.’

Phil’s hands scramble to grasp at the crinkled paper, eyes scanning over the page. His stomach plummets when they settle on the result.

‘I don’t understand,’ he whispers.

‘Of course you don’t,’ Mark says. ‘You’re just an intern. You’ll get it eventually, though. Some animals just aren’t capable of being proper pets. We do our best, but some are just a hopeless case.’

‘Where is he?’ Phil demands, hands shaking.

‘Still in the room. I need to speak with Maggie to discuss what to do with him,’ Mark says – now that he’s proven himself right, he suddenly sounds a lot less condescending, as if he thought he was teaching Phil some grand lesson all along.

Mark doesn’t stop him when Phil pushes past and runs to the medical room. He throws open the door so hard it bounces shut off the wall behind him. Dan jumps in his seat, looking up from the tiled floor and shrinking back slightly at the look on Phil’s face.

‘What is this?’ Phil hisses, shaking the page of results, not realising just how angry he is until he opens his mouth. ‘What the _fuck_ are you playing at?’

Dan swallows thickly but doesn’t answer – just stares past Phil at the examination table pressed against the back wall.

‘Why are you doing this, Dan?’ he pushes, beyond exasperated. ‘Why? Don’t you get it? If you don’t pass, you can’t be put up for adoption!’

‘Don’t _you_ get it?’ Dan snaps, and although he’d been pressing for a response it takes Phil off-guard. ‘I don’t want to be adopted.’

‘You _have_ to be!’

‘No, I don’t!’ Dan yells, rising to his feet. ‘ _You_ taught me that. I have free-will. I’m not _for_ anything but me, remember?’

‘It’s not that simple right now. Adoption will _save_ you. Do you have any idea what they’ll do to you if they think you’re permanently unfit? They’ll _euthanise_ you, Dan!’

Dan doesn’t answer but the look on his face says it all. Phil feels the anger immediately drain from his bones. The muscles in his hands slacken and the results cascade to the floor.

‘You knew,’ he says, low and broken. ‘You knew that’s what they’d do all along, didn’t you?’

‘I’m not going to go back to being someone’s _property_ ,’ Dan spits, furious tears brimming along his waterline. ‘I’m not going to let someone use me like that again. I don’t _care_ if they don’t hurt me. I’m not going to be _owned_ again. I’d rather d-die.’

‘Dan…’ Phil says, chest so tight he can barely speak.

‘I can think! I have emotions and desires and _talents_ and I want to live for myself or not at all,’ he cries. ‘I feel pain and happiness and…and love. And I’m not going to let anybody take that away from me. Not again.’

There’s a tense silence occupied only by Dan’s weeping and Phil’s head is spinning off his shoulders because Dan’s so real, he’s so fucking intelligent, and he’s so _aware_ ; more than he’s ever been.

‘You’re right,’ Phil says. ‘You’re so, so right. I’m sorry…I just, I wanted what was best for you and I didn’t realise that it’s not fucking _comfort._ It’s freedom. Regardless of the cost.’

Dan nods eagerly, beautiful face glistening with tears as he steps closer to Phil.

‘I want to make my own choices. I want to live the way you let me live. I want to be able to say what I think and what I feel and I want to stay like that, with you.’

‘But I’ll still have to adopt you,’ Phil says. ‘I’ll still have to sign the forms that say you belong to me.’

‘What does that matter? It’s just a piece of paper. Just like that,’ Dan says, pointing to the IQ results on the floor. ‘It doesn’t _mean_ anything. It’s not who I am. You being my owner will just be a title that keeps this messed up world happy.’

 Phil’s throat is so dry and his head is chanting _he’s right_. Who cares if his rent is late? Who cares if they have to skip a meal every now and then and go without electricity for a month when he just can’t afford it? It’s not fair, but none of this is fair, and both of them living comfortably isn’t worth sacrificing Dan’s one shot at freedom. He won’t let Dan be owned, exploited, and possibly even fucking abused again just because it will be easier.

‘Please, Phil,’ Dan begs. ‘Please, just have the stupid title so I can chose where I sleep and what I eat and have the free-will to…’

‘To what?’ Phil chokes.

‘To do this,’ Dan says confidently; he steps forward, closing first the gap between their bodies and then their lips.

The kiss is soft and quick – just a gentle press of skin against skin – but it sets Phil’s entire body on fire. He wants to hold Dan’s face, wants to kiss him passionately and feverishly until neither of them can breathe, but Dan’s pulling away before he gets the chance.

‘Please,’ he whispers. ‘Don’t make me give all that up. Don’t make me give you up.’

‘I won’t,’ Phil says, enveloping Dan in his arms and holding him so tightly to his chest that they just might fuse together. ‘I won’t, fuck, _yes_ , I’ll do it. But it’s going to be hard, Dan. I don’t have much money and I won’t for a few years. It’s not going to be the forever home you deserve, but –‘

‘It’s the one I want,’ Dan says into Phil’s shoulder, arms squeezing tighter around Phil’s waist. ‘Thank you, Phil. Thank you.’

They’re still holding one another when the door swings open, a lot less harshly than before, and Mark and Maggie step into the room. Phil reluctantly lets go of Dan and the neko takes a step back, wiping his cheeks.

‘Oh,’ Maggie says, surprised by the scene she’s walked into. ‘I’m sorry, should we have knocked?’

‘It’s fine,’ Phil says. ‘He’s going to take the test again.’

‘What?’ Mark says, laughing incredulously. ‘Come on, kid. Surely you’ve realised –‘

‘I failed it on purpose,’ Dan says; both Mark and Maggie look shocked at the presence of a fourth voice. ‘So you’d think I was too stupid for adoption.’

‘But…why?’ Maggie asks; Phil wonders how such a caring woman, who’s worked with Dan’s kind for decades, can still be so clueless.

‘Because he doesn’t want to be given away for someone’s amusement, like some second-hand TV,’ Phil snaps.

‘Then why am I bothering with another test?’ Mark says. ‘If he’s that stubborn, he’s never going to make a good pet. Nobody’s going to adopt a neko who thinks they’re too good to be –‘

‘I will,’ Phil cuts him off. ‘You’re going to help him with his therapy and the second he’s cleared I’m going to fill out the paperwork and take him home.’

There’s a beat of silence where nobody speaks and Phil looks between them all; from the surprise on Maggie’s face, to the crease between Mark’s eyebrows, to the hope in Dan’s eyes. Maggie is the first to break it.

‘Well,’ she says. ‘That’s wonderful.’

 

*****

 

They come to the agreement that Dan can continue living with Phil before the adoption goes through, as long as he brings the neko in for his weekly sessions. It’s the best outcome he could have hoped for in his meeting with Maggie and Dan clearly feels the same – his ears are perked up and his tail is swishing happily as they make their way back towards the station. They don’t talk much on the ride home – although Phil is ecstatic to have the neko by his side, he’s absolutely exhausted from the eventful day and the thoughts of the future mulling over in his head. When they step through the door of the apartment they pause for a moment. Phil looks around the space that has been so thoroughly marked with Dan’s presence – the pile of books he’s been reading on the coffee table, the Hello Kitty mug by the sink, the pair of slippers that used to be Phil’s but he’s claimed by the couch – and imagines what it would have been like to come back without him. He looks at Dan, who’s already staring at him with a smile so bright it almost takes Phil’s breath away. In that moment Phil is aware there’s nothing certain in their future, except knowing he’ll never regret this decision.

‘Welcome home,’ he says lightly, running his fingers down the arm of Dan’s hoodie and hooking their pinkies together.

Dan’s chest erupts with a giggle, the corners of his eyes crinkling with glee, and Phil has never seen him look so happy. It’s intoxicating and hardly Phil’s fault when he can’t resist pressing a kiss to the dimple he never even knew went so deep. Dan burns almost crimson at the loving touch of lips to skin.

‘You literally kissed me on the lips earlier,’ Phil teases, poking Dan’s red cheek. ‘How are you blushing from a kiss on the cheek?’

‘I was riled up then,’ Dan says, then pauses. ‘I’m sorry for yelling.’

‘Don’t be,’ Phil says, wrapping him arm around Dan’s waist and pulling him closer. ‘You have the right to yell all you want.’

 

The next few months pass in a bit of a daze of slow kisses on the couch and trips to the BSPCN. It’s slow to begin with, but Dan starts to properly open up in therapy and it’s clearly helping beyond anything Phil could have done. After the first couple session he’s not so sure, as Dan comes home and cries in his arms for near-on an hour, but it seems to him now that it was some kind of emotional purge. After that, the positive effects start to shine through a lot clearer. Dan becomes so comfortable with Phil touching him that sometimes they don’t unwind from one another for an entire Sunday. He doesn’t flinch when Phil reaches for him without a slow hand and he even lets him touch his tail. He’s not quite as good with other people, understandably, but there’s definitely still progress there. He doesn’t shrink away when strangers are around him and manages to talk okay in public. His talking at home is another thing – when it comes to the comfort of their apartment, it’s done an absolute 180. Sometimes he’s still soft and quiet, but often he has bursts of energy that make him loud and animated. Sometimes he’ll yell playfully at the movie they’re watching or the board game they’re playing and it even startles _Phil,_ but now that he’s seen this side of Dan, he wouldn’t wish it any other way. His repressed personality emerges a little more each day and, fuck, if Phil wasn’t in love before, he certainly is now.

With Dan going through such a massive personal change any evolution in their relationship takes a seat at the sidelines. Phil knows that’s what’s best for the time being, for both Dan and himself, and he’s more than happy with the sweet kisses and cuddles they share. Dan continues sleeping in Phil’s bed – which he one day finds himself referring to as _their_ bed and just goes with it – and everything is sweet and innocent between them. Phil knows there’s some level of desire to take things further burning under both of their skin, but slow and steady is key here. He knows enough about neko biology to be aware that they can become sexually aroused before and between heat – it’s only a fraction of what they feel during, but it’s still something. He doesn’t miss the way Dan squirms and tries to subtly press a cushion between his legs every time Phil scratches his ears for long periods of time. Having Dan so close all the time has a slightly larger effect on Phil and he finds himself getting off in the shower a lot more than he used to, but he’s content with his right hand for now. Or forever, if that’s what Dan needs. He promises himself that no matter how horny he gets, he’s not going to be the one to make the first move. With Dan’s new found free-will, Phil knows he’ll come to him if and when he’s ready.

 

*****

 

It’s a rainy Tuesday when Dan is finally cleared. Mark signs off his paperwork as _fit for adoption_ and Phil has it in his hands by 5 PM that same day. He’s taken through the process as if he is any other person applying to adopt. Legally, they have to go through all the _dos_ and _don’ts_ and _how tos_ so he just nods along and signs his name when he’s told to. He almost tunes out because he knows it all so well, but he’s jarred back to Earth when they get to the medication section.

‘So, you can apply for heat-blocking medication six months after his first cycle,’ Maggie explains. ‘Just bring him in no later than two weeks after it ends so we can do a few tests and send the results to the lab to determine the best medication for him.’

‘Wait,’ Phil says. ‘You mean he won’t be on blockers for his first?’

‘It’s general practice to let a neko go through their first heat un-medicated,’ she explains, and Phil supposes he never knew this because, other than Dan, he’s only ever worked with neko who have gone through their first long before being brought to the shelter. ‘Not only is it safer, but it makes it easier for us to know which formula to use. It’s not healthy to bounce them from medication to medication looking for the best.’

Phil just nods, a little numbly, and signs on yet another dotted line. The medications page also describes in detail the anti-depressants Mark had prescribed Dan a few weeks into their sessions, but Phil knows full well about those, considering he’s the one who reminds Dan to take them every night. Maggie thanks him once the application form is filled and she lodges it, along with a background check on Phil’s squeaky-clean past, for an approval they both know he’ll get.

‘So, how did everything go?’ Dan asks when he returns home that afternoon, a little later than usual.

‘How did what go?’ Phil asks.

‘The adoption papers. I’m assuming that’s why you’re late?’

Phil grins, shaking his head fondly. He hasn’t even told Dan yet – he was keeping it as a surprise.

‘You’re too smart for your own good sometimes, Danny,’ Phil muses, dropping onto the couch beside him. ‘It went well. Should hear back by Friday. There is one thing I need to talk to you about, though.’

Phil explains what Maggie told him about his first heat – he assumes it’s something Dan _should_ have been told by either his nursey or previous owner, but neither are extremely credible for doing anything they should.

‘You’ll take care of me, right?’ Dan says when Phil finishes.

‘I’ll do what I can to keep you comfortable.’

‘No,’ Dan says, brown eyes meeting blue in a loaded stare. ‘I mean you’ll… _take_ _care_ of me.’

Phil’s breath catches when Dan’s meaning seeps through. He swallows and nods, trying hard not to look too eager.

‘Of course,’ he says. ‘If you want me to.’

Dan shuffles closer and gently takes Phil’s face into his hands, pressing a slow kiss to his mouth. Phil runs his fingers through Dan’s hair and over his ears, feeling the neko shiver against him.

‘I do,’ Dan whispers against his lips. ‘I can’t give you my first time, but I can give you this.’

‘You don’t have to give me anything,’ Phil reminds him.

‘I know, but I want to. And I’m so glad I can.’

 

*****

 

The adoption becomes official that Thursday – it’s quicker than Phil expected, but he has a feeling Maggie rushed it through the system for him. She finds him staring into an empty room in the housing unit on his lunch break and calls him into her office. There, on her desk, is the approved notice with one last form to fill out – the payment. Phil can hear his bank account screaming as he writes down his details for a debit transfer, but his heart is soaring as he signs it off. It’s official – Dan is his. He never thought he’d be doing this in his life, but just like Dan had said, it’s just a legal title. He may technically be Dan’s owner, but he knows it’s so much more than that.

‘Do you have any questions?’ Maggie asks as he pushes the form across the desk to her.

‘Yeah,’ Phil says, thinking back to the empty room in the housing unit. ‘What happened to PJ?’

‘He was adopted,’ she says with a proud smile. ‘A young man came in looking for a rescue last week. I wasn’t the one who took him through, but apparently the neko told him to… _eff_ off…when he tried to talk to him, and the boy requested an adoption right away. Something like love at first sight, apparently. He picked him up yesterday afternoon. A lovely boy called Chris.’

‘Will you be doing weekly visits to check he’s okay?’ he asks.

‘Of course, but I don’t think there will be any problems with this one. I’ve never seen a neko take to a human so quickly in my life. Except for maybe Dan and you.’

Phil smiles with a rush of hope for humanity; if a neko as outspoken and openly self-aware as PJ can be taken in, perhaps they’re heading in the right direction after all.

‘Thank you, Maggie,’ he says, pushing back his chair and rising to his feet as she does the same. ‘You’re welcome to send someone around to our apartment for an inspection any day that suits you.’

‘Hold on a second, Phil,’ he hears Maggie call as his hand reaches for the doorhandle. ‘There’s something I want to give you before you leave.’

Phil wanders back over to her desk as she shuffles through the mess of papers spread across it. She finds a thin slip and holds it out to him.

‘Your payslip,’ she explains as he takes it. ‘I know it’s a little early, but you’re welcome to cash it right away.’

It’s more than just a little early. Phil stares at the printed number in disbelief, having to blink a few times to make sure his eyes aren’t seeing double. They’re not; the extra digit is more than just a trick of the light.

‘But…’ he says, confused, ‘this is…this is nearly £1000 more than I’m supposed to be paid.’

‘Think of it as an incentive to stay on with us after your internship finishes,’ she says. ‘We haven’t had someone who cares about the rescued as much as you since I started here. Thank you, Phil, honestly.’

Phil doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t think there are words to express how grateful he is – how much this offering will help. He gives up trying to find them and instead moves around to her side of the desk. He wraps her arms around her and she hugs him back tightly.

‘You take care of that boy, won’t you now?’ she says and Phil nods against the top of her head.

‘I will.’

 

When Phil arrives home that evening he’s practically vibrating with excitement to tell Dan the news. He tugs his housekey from the lock – he really, _really_ needs to fix that thing – and elbows the door shut behind him, kicking off his shoes and dumping his bag by the front door with a huge grin playing on his lips.

‘Hello, kitty,’ he says – a running joke he started recently that never fails to make Dan roll his eyes. ‘Guess what went through today?’

He stops in his tracks when he sees Dan. Usually, Phil comes home to find him watching TV or reading in their bedroom, but he’s not doing either. Instead, he’s lying face-down on the couch and the flat is draped in utter silence. Phil would assume he’s taking a nap, if it weren’t for the violent twitches running up his spine and down his tail.

‘Dan?’ he says, worriedly, as he approaches him.

He places a hand on Dan’s back and the neko _shudders_ beneath his palm. The small squeak that spills from his lips is muffled by the cushion he has his face buried in and Phil’s worry deepens.

‘Dan, love, can you turn over for me please?’ he asks, and when Dan doesn’t make an effort to move he takes him gently and does it himself.

Dan’s face is red and flushed and positively burning under Phil’s cool hand. His lips are moving with soft whimpers and mutters that he can’t quite catch or understand.

‘Shit, Dan, are you okay? Are you sick?’

He looks down the length of Dan’s body and notices that, not only is he still in his pyjamas, but the bottoms are absolutely soaked. His first thought is that he’s wet himself, but then he notices the difference in the substance that’s slowly drying on the fabric at his crotch. Oh.

‘Oh, oh God, okay,’ Phil mutters, because he hasn’t wet himself and he’s not sick – it’s slick, and he’s most definitely gone into heat. ‘Dan, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?’

When Phil’s hands cup his face Dan’s eyes creek open. As soon as they focus on Phil he’s brought straight back to Earth, and immediately his arms are wrapping around Phil’s neck and pulling him closer.

‘Phil,’ he breathes heavily, using the leverage to press himself up against Phil and he can feel the hardness in Dan’s pants. ‘Phil, I’m sorry, I’m so…I need… _please_ , Phil.’

If he had the capacity to think about it, Phil would surely be appalled at how fast Dan’s desperate whines goes to his dick, but he doesn’t, because Dan’s grinding himself against him and thinking about anything else is near on impossible.

‘I’ve got you,’ he says, pulling Dan closer by his hip. ‘What do you need?’

‘I need it, Phil, I need it. C-Can’t stop…coming. Doesn’t help. Hurts. Fuck me, please. Fuck me,’ he chokes, the dried tears on his cheeks mixing with the fresh that seep from the corner of his darkened eyes.

‘Okay. Yeah, okay,’ Phil says, grabbing Dan’s other hip and positioning him so Dan can wrap his legs around his waist. ‘Gonna take you to the bed, okay?’

Phil lifts Dan off the couch easily – he may be tall, but he’s still quite light – and stumbles towards the bedroom. He curses when he hits his shin on the coffee table but doesn’t stop until Dan’s back is pressed against the mattress. Dan rolls over on instinct, pressing his face into the pillow and his ass in the air and Phil’s cock twitches again.

‘Please,’ he hears Dan mutter into the pillow. ‘Please, please, please.’

Phil tears off his work shirt and pants so quickly he almost trips over. He’s left only in his underwear and socks as he climbs onto the bed, kneeling behind Dan’s presented body. He stares in awe of the sight, lingering to watch the way he palms himself and grinds down onto his own hand, making desperate _ah, ah, ah_ sounds that have Phil’s cock growing to full hardness. Dan’s hands move to wrap around the bars on the headboard and Phil’s tremble slightly as he takes the elastic of Dan’s pyjama pants between his fingers. He slides the wet material down and off his long legs.

‘Holy shit,’ Phil says breathily at the sight he’s left with – Dan’s round, perky ass tilted upwards, his hole and thighs drenched in slick, and his desperately dark little cock leaking between his legs.

‘Phil, _please_ ,’ Dan cries, frantic now that he’s lost the slight relief of his own hand against his dick.

‘Right,’ Phil says, pushing off his underwear and exposing his own hard cock to the cool air of the bedroom. ‘Do you need to be stretched?’

‘No,’ Dan says. ‘Wet enough. Hurts anyway. Please.’

‘Do I need a condom?’ Phil asks; he knows from Dan’s chart back at the BSPCN that he’s clean and Phil hasn’t done anything like this since his last negative test result, but it’s only polite to ask.

‘No!’ Dan says, pulling at the bars and making the cheap metal creak. ‘Just fuck me, please, _fuck me_.’

It doesn’t take any more convincing than that for Phil to line himself up with Dan’s entrance. It’s hardly different than doing this with a human, except Dan’s slick seems to work so much better than any lube Phil’s ever used. He slides in so easily, fits so _well_ , and Dan mewls loudly as he pushes his cock in until his balls are pressing up against his ass. Phil groans at the tight, wet heat of Dan’s body, hips stuttering in a plea to pound into him.

‘Does that hurt?’ he pants, forcing himself to still.

‘It all hurts. Just move, please,’ Dan begs.

Phil does as he’s asked – he starts fucking into Dan, slow and deep, and the neko is so responsive it’s going to be hard for him to last. Dan practically screams into the pillow and Phil’s pretty sure it’s in ecstasy. The way Dan pushes back against him greedily helps convince Phil that it’s not in pain. He picks up the pace and Dan only gets louder. His tail is twitching dramatically against his clothed back along with the rest of his body and his knuckles are going white from holding on so tightly. Strings of pre-come are dripping all over the sheets, mixing with the slick that rushes down Dan’s thighs and Phil never knew someone as adorable as Dan could be this fucking sexy.

‘You feel so good, fuck,’ Phil groans, pounding into Dan now.

‘ _Ah_ ,’ he whines. ‘Touch me, please, touch me.’

Phil wraps his arm around Dan’s hips and grabs onto his cock, twisting his large hand over and around it as he continues to fuck him. Dan takes a shuddering breath, body positively quaking, and Phil barely has to brush the head once with his thumb before Dan’s coming hot and heavy all over his hand.

The neko boy is surprisingly quiet as he releases, whimpering softly as his hips jerk forward, and then he turns to putty in Phil’s hands. He has to quickly catch him by the hips so he doesn’t drop forward and hurt the both of them, and he pulls out gently before laying Dan down against the wet sheets.

Phil’s head is spinning and he’s still achingly hard, but that’s okay. He’s more than happy to deal with it later himself. It turns out that that’s probably not going to be an issue. The moment his body hits the bed beside him, Dan turns to him with deliriously lust-filled eyes and says,

‘Again.’

 

*****

 

Dan’s heat lasts for almost two weeks. Phil spends almost every moment he’s at home – when they’re not sleeping or eating – with his dick or his fingers in Dan or his hand or his mouth around him. It’s hands-down the most sex he’s ever had in his life and is absolutely exhausting, but he loves it. Not just because it feels good, although that’s a bonus, but because he loves being the reason for Dan’s short-lived moments of relief between the desperation. He loves that Dan’s here with him, a place where he’s safe and taken care of for his first heat, and not with his master or on the streets or worse. He thanks the universe and whoever’s listening for bringing them together at such a crucial time, and Phil’s never been one to believe in astrology but he thinks the stars must have aligned especially for them.

Staying home from work to be with Dan the entire time is unfortunately not an option, but Phil’s not about to just leave him to hump the couch in desperation like the first day. He spends a small amount of his bonus at a seedy underground store around the corner from his work and comes home with a few presents for Dan. It’s clear the neko has absolutely no idea what they are, so he shows him how to use the vibrator first. Dan comes so quickly with it Phil almost feels jealous of the silicone toy. Then when he explains the purpose of the cockring, Dan demands Phil undresses and shows him that too, right there on the couch.

Over the course of his heat Phil touches every single inch of Dan’s body, but his favourite by far is still that sensitive spot behind his ears. He scratches it lazily as they lay in bed, Dan’s head leant on Phil’s bare chest, sheets tangled around their legs. The end is in sight – Phil can tell by how the sex they’d just had was a lot less _fuck me_ and more _make love to me_ , with Dan on his back with his legs around Phil’s waist instead of on his hands and knees – and as much as Phil loves making Dan come, he’s grateful just to relax and listen to him purr. The sun has long since set and the room is dark, but neither of them bother to flick on the light.

‘Phil?’ he feels more than hears Dan speak, the neko’s lips pressed to his skin.

‘Hmm?’ Phil hums, rubbing his free hand down Dan’s sweaty back.

‘Thank you,’ he whispers.

‘For what?’

‘For everything,’ Dan says, warm body lifting slightly to look in Phil’s direction – Phil only now remembers that Dan probably _can_ see him, one trait neko certainly have over humans. ‘For helping me through this. The heat, and everything else.’

‘You don’t have to thank me,’ Phil says. ‘It couldn’t have been any less of a chore.’

‘But I’m still so grateful because you…you saved me. And I want to do something as well.’

‘You already have,’ Phil says. ‘You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been.’

‘But I want to do something for _us_ ,’ he says. ‘I want to help you pay for things, so we don’t have to worry.’

‘I know you do, love, but you can’t. Employing a neko is illegal, and there’s no way in hell you’re working somewhere shady enough to do it anyway.’

‘What if they don’t know I’m a neko?’ Dan pushes, and Phil laughs airily.

‘I think these are a little bit of a giveaway,’ Phil teases, brushing his fingers over Dan’s soft ears.

‘But what if they don’t see me?’ Dan says. ‘I’ve been thinking. Maybe I can do something with my writing. Maybe on the internet. I could enter competitions or maybe even get published.’

And wouldn’t that be an incredible thing? To have the world appreciate Dan’s talent, something it would otherwise chastise if it knew where those lovely words came from. Maybe, out of billions of humans who try each day, it’s Dan’s words that will actually change the world. There’s more hurdles in that plan than Dan understands and Phil is willing to say, but there’s a sliver of possibility shining amongst it all. Phil clings to it and lets himself hope, even if it only lasts until the lights come on.

‘I think you could do it,’ he says. ‘If anyone can, it’s you.’

Dan’s hand finds the side of Phil’s face, soft thumb brushing across his sharp cheekbone.

‘Thank you, Phil,’ he says again, after another stretch of comfortable silence.

‘What for this time?’ Phil grins, pulling Dan closer; he feels the neko sigh happily and lean back down against his chest.

‘For showing me the meaning of love.’


End file.
